Intentions
and Actions
**
Where
interpersonal relations are concerned I have always been a little
slow to understand what is happening; probably because I am caught up
with things about myself. What I am saying is that I have trouble
seeing the whole event because I am too self-centered. Without
conscious awareness of everything that could be involved I make bad
mistakes in judgment. Sometimes there are incidents contributing to
the situation that cannot be known to me, but more often than not I
am taking a view of the situation to see how it affects me. By taking
that type of view (ego-centric) of the situation, I am missing the
whole picture. I am lacking in humility. When I am slow and
ego-centric in social life, I can get angry at what happened long
after the event and take it out on someone else. Too often that
someone else is family. Because I am too ego-eccentric, I may
misunderstand what really happened; think I was wronged when that is
not the case.
Just
because someone else is an ass does not make it alright for me to be
one also. A simple example is when I am driving and someone cuts me
off. They have been an ass. If I start letting them know how big an
ass I think they are, then I am an doing the same thing as them;
being an ass.
The
attitudinal situation of the first paragraph was hard for me put into
words. It is extremely hard to see it in myself. It is even harder
for me to bring about change from the reality that I have lived in
so long. The beginning of change would be to start to try. That is
quite simple, but not fast. Finding ways to deal with the anger that
has cropped up in me without passing it on to someone else is the
first step and quickest way of trying. The second, which takes longer
and is better, is to develop humility; the ability to look at the
situation in a less self-centered way and let them be who they
are, an ass or whatever.
*
In
the instances that I do not pass on that aggressiveness, anger, or
any foul mood, then I am creating good. There is one big problem; I
am human. There are times when I am not capable of not passing it on.
If I get angry with myself when I pass it on then there is more angry pain inside of me. Anger is very painful for me. Resentment is anger
revisited, so it is very painful for me. I do not like pain. Many
times when I was younger I would be relating to my parents my anger
over what someone had done to me. My mother would say that you have
feel sorry for the person that acted the way they did. I would never
tell her, but I would think, “Feel sorry for them after they did
that to me? Maybe you can but I can't.” Today I understand that to
do what they did, they had to be in pain. The reason I understand is
that the times I have done things that would cause pain to another, I
was in pain. If I had not been in pain I would not have been capable
of the actions I took.
**
If
I just start by trying not to pass on pain and then search for ways
to grow in that ability then I am doing good.
* http://obstacol.com/crazy-people/being-an-asshole/
** google images
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